09 March 2016

From the Journal: As of Lately

-- The following post is an unedited accounts of my thoughts --

I think I'm in a rut. I’ve been feeling this sort of way for a while.

I’m nervous.

I’m anxious.

I want time to slow down just a bit.

Does anyone else feel like time is going by way to fast? I literally wake up, go to school, or go to work, then come home late into the day, stay in my room and either do some school work or catch up on Netflix. Then, it is 2 am, time for bed. Whether I intend it or not, this has been “typical” day for the past couple of weeks.

School and a part-time job and a social life tires me out. Sometimes, I do find myself just wanting to sleep the day away.

I’m not depressed; believe me, I know how that feels like from past experience.

I think what it really is the fact that reality is QUICKLY settling in, and it is very nerve racking.

I’m about to graduate university. Shouldn’t I be more excited? Well, I’m not. I am not as excited as my family and sister. I am more… withdrawn about the entire idea. I feel like I’m not ready. I’m not sure whether or not this is a good or bad thing, but I feel like the rest of my life is a complete blur, and I don’t like that.

I like having a plan. I like to know what is going to happen (this is why I usually search up for spoilers). But, still. I just feel like I’m not ready to leave school. I don’t know what it is, but there is something comforting about being in school and just learning about something I absolutely find interesting.

Maybe I’m not ready to see what is next for me. Maybe I’m not ready to be “grown-up” and really get my career going. Maybe I just want to live in carefree one more day.

I really don’t know what it is exactly. This is the first time I’m really talking about what I’ve been feeling for weeks. And, it feels good to put my thoughts down for me to read. 
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