Grudges

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Today's post reading: Proverbs 17:1-28 (ESV)

Today is the 7th day of the 16 day plan in my journey of reading, reflection and responding to what the bible says about love. If you'd like to follow alone, join HERE and perhaps start your own journey! Ready to go on this journey with me? Well then, let's get started!

Pardon my language, but I've been through sooo much shit - shit that you probably would have never imaged someone my age would have ever gone through. These experiences are so haunting, I am ashamed to say that I sometimes do live in the past. I've experienced the whole cheating thing; whether I seen it with my own eyes, or I've been cheated on, or I've cheated (I'm providing different varieties of one situation here), it doesn't matter. Hurt is hurt. And being hurt is never fun.

Whenever someone hurts me, I am soooo down with no motivation for life - literally. I get this feeling of being soooo little where no one understand what I am going through, nor do I even give anyone a chance to understand. It is a complicated circumstance to be in.... But, I guess that is life. And life can make us do crazy things; like forgive those who continue to hurt us.
Whoever covers an offence seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. - Proverbs 17:9 (ESV)
There is one person, who I am not comfortable mentioning, who has seriously hurt me so much. It was like I've been beaten down to my weakest state after witnessing what I've witnessed. The worst part was, I didn't understand at the time. And worst of all, I didn't do anything to stop it. I could've stopped it then, but I didn't. And now I am living in hell. I am living with the regret of not telling others who were involved, and I still have this someone in my life continuing to hurt me.

Like I said in previously posts, things are easier said than done. Forgiveness? I promise you, it is a working progress. But, it is hard. It is hard to see what her actions have done to not only her family, but to everyone else, from her nieces and nephews, to the friends she had. It is sooo hard to not be able to talk about it, when I know people know. If I was able to see it with my own eyes, I'm sure others did to... I don't know.

But over the years, I've learnt to forgive. I know I want to, but its the trust I am trying to gain back. From this experience, without forgiveness, you are closing yourself to others. And without opening up to others, we are unable to build new and continue relationships.

Forgiveness is just the first of many steps that open you up to love. Forgiveness teaches you who you can and can trust. If that someone does something hurtful towards you a second time, then you know for sure that you tried your damn hardest to open up and beginning something new. Forgiveness also teaches you more about yourself.

Forgiveness shows the kind of person you are; and this is something that God wants for us. Yes, he wants us all to love and treat others with respect and kindness. But, he cannot physically tell us what to do, and how to do it on a 24/7 basis. Yes, he is there within us all the time, but not there physically. Therefore, it is up to us to learn who we are on our own pace. The way we treat others is a true reflection of who we are - and this begins with forgiveness and love. 

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