Commit to the Lord

As a Roman Catholic, it is safe to say that I am a firm believer of God.  I believe in the faith he has for humanity, and I believe in his faith that he has for me.  Moreover, I believe in the love that he has for all his children, whether you believe in him or not, I know he loves every one of us equally.

As a student, it is easy to get all caught up in school or social life and it is extremely easy to just get stressed out and feel all alone.  Whether you are a student like me, or not, I think we can all relate when I say that sometimes we don't feel loved or no one is here to support us.

Unfortunately, I've been experiencing this feeling every so often that I forgot that God is here to help me.  Like I said, it is so easy to get caught up on other things that may be going on in your life that you tend to forget the simple things.  I'm not trying to say God is simple, I'm saying I think sometimes we take for granted the love and care that God unconditionally provides us with.

For the past couple of weeks, I kept finding myself in a position where I am cramming at the last minute to study for my tests.  I don't know what I do with my time for this to happen, but it just does.  I usually always get mad at myself as it is my fault, but I do study at my best with the time that I do have.  I've been so stressed about my marks going up because I have recently decided that I am going to change my career path.  I have been looking into schools that I am eligible to transfer into, and go straight into the nursing program. Believe me when I say that it is such a stressful process.

But what I've come to realize is that I just need to put my trust in God.  He has a plan for me, and if I am meant to do nursing in the future, then I mean to become a nurse.  In the mean time, I'm not saying that it is okay for you to just sit around waiting for God to answer, NO.

He works in mysterious ways, and what I have learnt in the past few years is that he won't begin to help you until you help yourself.  If you help yourself with having God by your side, he will help you get what you want.

We were all brought into our lives here on earth for a reason.  Whether that is to make a difference in someones life or not, there is a reason why you are here.  Maybe it is to become a doctor who helps cure cancer, or perhaps a priest who is here to spread the word and love of God.

As for me, I am still on that search to why I was brought here on Earth.  All I know is that I want to make a difference in people's lives - especially children.  I just have this passion and so much love for children (whether I know them or not), and I just want to help them in every way possible.

My goal is to one day work at Sick Kids Hospital, and aid to the children there to their every needs in order to help them get better.  That is what I want to do and that is what I am trying to work towards. 
"Commit to the lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." - Proverbs 16:3.
Having God by your side will make a huge difference of the success you will endure in your future.  Just a side note, when I say having God by your side I don't mean the act of holding on to a rosary whenever you go to an interview, or praying only 5 minutes before your test (if you don't pray on a regular basis).  I'm talking about you're faith in God.

Anyone can go to church every Sunday and claim that they are a true follower of God.  I think it is about how you act towards one another.  God lives among every one of us.  And how you treat your friend, mother, father, sister, brother or neighbour, is how you are treating God.  If you are disrespecting someone, you are disrespecting God.

Being good to others is having God within you're heart always, and he will reward you for loving him and all his children.

Good luck to everyone out there who is trying to become someone and make their future better.  Hope this encourages you all to love one another and not create problems.  It is in his everlasting love that he will help you get to where you need to be, every time. 







My First Experience at the CN Tower 360 Restaurant

If you remember from one of my post from the summer, I had family coming to visit us here in Canada from the states. As a treat, we decided to take them to the CN tower restaurant.  Believe it or not, that was actually where my parents first met.  It was a blind date that both their friends arranged, and they went on that date, my dad paid, and ever since... they've been together.

This restaurant is something I've always wanted to experience with a boyfriend one day.  But experiencing it for the first time with family, was just as good.  At least I would have an idea of the price range and the kind of food they offered before going there on a real date.

Anyways, the cool part of the restaurant was how it has a beautiful revolving 360 degree view of Toronto just over 351 metres up in the air.

I hope you enjoy the pictures I have to share with this amazing experience.  



















For any of you American bloggers, whenever you get a chance to come to Toronto, take the time to check out the CN Tower - whether it is for the restaurant or just to have a great view of Toronto, check it out!

Have a great weekend!



Appreciation

Beauty is hidden among everything and in everyone.  Whether it is through nature, people or even your own life, we tend to bypass the good that comes with everything and everyone.  What I recently realized, is that taking things for granted can ultimately lead to a lot of regret.

Whether I'm talking about my relationship or not, it doesn't matter.  In life, we've all experienced frustration or anger towards people or other things.  And sometimes we cannot help it  but take our anger out on others.  We know its wrong, but like I said, we cannot help it, and it just happens.

I know there are others out there who may feel and experience the same things as I am describing today.  Whether that may be that feeling like you're slowly being forgotten or just that things are being to  fall apart because you may think he/she no longer has feelings towards you, or even just upset about a test you studied so hard for and still received a bad mark.

I don't know about you, but I know I sometimes forget to appreciate the people and the things I have in my life.  I just take things for granted because it is constantly available to me.  But, that shouldn't be a reason why we begin to take granted of our own lives as well.

It is ashamed that people don't often take the time to relax from their daily lives and just look at the beauty that is within everything.  Because Canada has been so cold lately, I have yet to realize the beautiful colours of the leaves that I am constantly surrounded by.  In a fast attempt to walk to the building where my class is being held, I noticed a tree alone, and wow were the colours so beautiful.  And in that moment of time, I realized that because I am so caught up in my daily routine, I forget to look around and see what is available to me.

Just like in relationships, especially the ongoing long-term committed ones, couples tend to forget how to appreciate their significant others.  They tend to forget that sometimes acting romantic is a must in order the spark things up.

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Being in a relationship of almost 3 years now, we are currently experiencing that. I'm not going to pretend that our relationship is perfect, because it is not.  No point of lying when everyone goes through problems.  But just recently I had an issue of just feeling alone and forgotten.  I guess we've been together for a really long time that he began to forget how important it was to me for him to express his feelings once in a while.

I know men aren't always the emotional type, so sometimes it is hard for them to express how they feel whenever they need to.  But what men need to realize that the way he expresses his feelings sends a signal to the girl of his current feelings.  Whether she interrupts them correctly or not, its up to the both of you to decide how to work things so that there is a balance of what both people want.

But, when it comes to forgetting in general, not just in relationship, I think that the most common thing that people forget is just the appreciation.  People do not take time to say thank you as often as we all should.  We just take what we can get and move on with it - and that's it.

Here is a common thing most teenagers can relate to - our parents.  Teenagers do not appreciate their parents as much as they should... and it's unfortunate because they don't realize it until it is too late, too late to the point where they are no longer able to tell their parents how much their appreciate them.

Our parents love us so much, and sometimes us teenagers and even pre-adults are too preoccupied to even realize how much they are trying to help us.  Whether they show that they care or not, it doesn't matter, we need to appreciate them more because one day you might regret the way you treated your parents.

The same goes for relationships.  You are in this committed relationship for a reason, because you care and love each other.  What is the point of constantly hurting one another with lies, and stress? Take the time to sit down with one another and just chill.

I can promise you, just by simply sitting down and just talking to one another, you'll begin to learn new things about each other. Keep holding and stay strong with the one you love.  It doesn't matter how well you may think you know your significant other, it matters of the way you treat and act towards them.

Anything can happen at anytime of the day, and you don't want to live with yourself and all the regrets you have. 

Most importantly, it is important never give up. Don't give up on each other, and don't give up on yourself. Things will begin to fall apart from there and losing him/her will just be that much more hurtful.

Trust me when I say that you do not want to miss out on the beauty and good that life is presenting us everyday.  Whether it is in the form of people or just nature, we need to take time to relax from our daily stresses and just take time to appreciate everything life has in store for us.




My Hidden Story

Look in the mirror, and tell me what you see.

I see a girl who is sad and unhappy. Someone who only knows how to smile for pictures, but not in real life and moments. You can tell by her eyes that she is filled with sadness, so many exceptions ruined with disappointment. Someone who just wants to run away and never come back.  Just run away from the pain, fear and people who have hurt me in the past.  I see someone who is afraid to trust.  Someone who has to constantly be careful of what she says so she doesn't have to deal with the repercussions later one.  I see someone who wants to be happy again, someone who wants to love and be careful and not give a shit about anything... but she can't.  She doesn't want to be put herself in a position where she is the one who has to endure all the pain and struggle.  I see a little girl who just wants to feel like she is loved.. just that little attention would make a huge difference. 
I've recently decided to start fresh and begin my personal journey to become the positive person I used to be.
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The above picture is me, and the description I wrote is how I used to (and sometimes now) see myself.  This post isn't about a love post, it is more of an expression of who I am, and what I feel most of the time.  It is a reality, and I hope people out there can relate to this blog post and join my quest to becoming a better person for yourself and becoming positive. 

Believe it or not, I used to the most positive person you would every meet - I used to always smilelaugh, and just be very sociable with everyone and everything that was around me.  I used to be even be very good at pretending everything was alright and there were absolutely nothing wrong with me or my life.

Then one day, reality snuck up from behind and just took the life out of me.  The one person I thought I could trust the most hurt me in ways you could never imagine.  I was very young and I let this one person just suck my life away little by little.  I was no longer able to trust and love anyone as much as I know I wanted to.  It is just so unfortunate how I could let one person have so much control over me. 

Sooner or later, people began to notice.  I didn't like talking to people anymore, I never shared stories about myself.... I just didn't want to be around anymore.  And on top of that, everything in my life just began to fall apart.

I guess it was true what they say, negative things happen to negative people.  Don't get me wrong, I wasn't negative towards other people.. it was more like I had negative about myself.  I didn't see myself the way other people saw me.  

Until I met JJ.  When I met him, I just wanted to tell him everything that had ever happened to me.  I wanted to let him know where I was coming from, so he can understand why I felt the way I felt about certain things.  It was just driving me crazy because I wanted to trust me, but for some reason I just could not.

As you can image, this became one of the underlying problem in our relationship... trust and communication.  As much as he thought I was being honest and positive, he had no idea what he was in for...

Then one day, he sat down and asked me straight up, "Why are you like this Vanessa."  And I just started to cry.  This was the first time that someone asked me why I was the way I am.  Then without control, I told him everything and every bit of detail of everything that has ever happened to me...

At first I didn't know what to except, nor I didn't know what his reaction would be.. I just thought that he was going to think I was crazy, and just wanted to leave... But to my surprise he didn't.  He was actually sad and hurt that everything happened to me. . . He actually apologized on everyone's behalf.

He had no idea what I went through...  no one did.

But he was determined to help me get over these underlying issues, and just help me to be happy again... happy about life, and more importantly, happy with myself.  He then asked me, "Look in the mirror Vanessa... tell me what do you see."  Everything I wrote in the beginning of this post is how I used to see myself.

Whether you want to believe me or not, I am telling you, things will get better when you have the right people in your life. These right people are the one's who love you unconditionally.  These are the people who just want to see you happy and will do anything to help you in anyway they can.

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Since my birthday is coming up very shortly, my goal is to just become a more positive person.  Yes, other people may consider me as positive, but I know how I really feel, and like I said, I've gotten pretty good at hiding my feelings.

I want to desperately be the person I used to be... I liked her so much better.  It is a working progress believe me, I cannot just sit here wishing this and that... I have to work for it.  And if any of you are like me and want to start fresh and just be a different you, I will post things here and there about my journey to becoming positive.  Hopefully it will be relatable for you to start fresh.

For now, the first step I am currently taking is, to not let things bother me.  I realized when I let things bother me, my head twists everything around leading to me think about things that are probably almost near impossible to be happening. This is just unnecessary anxiety and stress that I am just creating, and just eats everything away from me...

 Happy Tuesday Everyone!


Home Made Mexican Pizza

Hmmm.... What should we eat? 

Once I start blogging more on a regular basis, you'll soon realize come to realize that I have a love for food, and the bf has a love for cooking. You'll also soon realize our spontaneous attempts to make different things, almost all the time, in hopes to avoid the unhealthy act of purchasing fast foods. 

So last night we were talking about what should we eat instead of wasting our money on junk.  Since I have a lot of ground beef at home, I suggested let's make something with ground beef. And my search began! I went on google and looked for recipes with ground beef, and I had a lot of options - tacos, spaghetti, meat loaf, shepherd's pie, lasagna, sloppy joe's and the list continues on and on.

Because I have a love for spaghetti and lasagna in general, and we made tacos just last week, we decided to go on a different route.  And out of no where we decided to do a home made pizza.  As we were talking about all these different ideas of how to make the actual dough, we randomly decided to create a mexican pizza.



Since I'm not a professional cook, I'll just do my best to describe everything as best as I can. (Note that the instructions and ingredients given, are for making ONE mexican pizza.  To make more, simply double the portions) 


Ingredients

1/2 lb of ground beed
10 flour tortillas 
1/2 cup of diced onions
1 red pepper
1 cup of shredded cheesed 
One bottle of spaghetti sauce
2 scallions 

Directions
1. Prep work is important.  Like what we did, we had two people doing prep work to speed up the process.
- Shred your cheese until you approximately have one cup.  In our case, we chose marble cheese and decided to shred more than one cup of cheese since I am a huge fan of cheese.


- Along with shredding cheese, cut up your red peppers.  You can cut 1 or 2, it is up to you.  If you do not like red peppers, you can simply replace it with store bought peperon


- Next, you want to cut up your onions into small diced pieces.  Since I love the taste of onions in my food, we decided to cut up a little bit more than needed to add a different taste to the pizza.  The onions will be used to mix with the ground beef.


2. Time to cook the ground beef.
Heat the ground beef until it is brown, and to your liking.  Then, drain out all the excess oil.  Afterward, add onions, salt and pepper for your liking.

Also, preheat your oven to your comfort. 

(Note if you want to add more taste to the ground beef, simply add them here in this step)


3. Toast the tortillas.

At the same time (or after heating the ground beef), place the tortillas on the oven pan.  Put on low heat to slowly toast the tortilla.  After around 10 minutes, take them out of the oven to cool off.


4. Grab one tortilla and spread a reasonable amount of spaghetti sauce on one side of the tortilla shell.  Afterwards, you want to take a good amount of ground beef and place it on top of the spaghetti sauce.  


5. Place another tortilla shell on top.
Again, on top of this tortilla shell, spread a good amount of spaghetti sauce on top of the tortilla shell.  Here you add on the rest of your toppings - Cheese, onions (if you want more), tomatoes and red pepper.  


- If you are not a fan of cheese like the hubby is, below is a picture of another way to set up your pizza. 


6.  Place completed Mexican pizza in the over for about 10 minutes.  Once 10 minutes has occurred, take the pizza out to cool off.  


Enjoy your easy home made Mexican Pizza !


What If..

Everything happens for a reason - thats something I believe in.  It is just so crazy if you really think about it.  One little little thing you do can affect some, if not all, aspects of your life.  It is something I actually think about from time to time.  What if you never met the most important person in your life?  Where would you?  Do you think you would still behave the same way you do?

Similarly, on my way home tonight, I was contemplating whether or not to take the highway home, or just the local way.  Upon approaching the rank of the highway, I kept doubting my decision.  In the end, I decided to take the highway, and it was just a quick decision that I somewhat regretted at first.  But when I realized how early I got home, I was glad I took the highway.  But at the same time, what if I took local way home? Would I be just as glad? Would my parents react the same to me coming home somewhat late on a school night?

These are the things I usually think about, how one little decision can affect your future.  Whether it is a decision you made just a few years ago, or even days ago, it is what got you where you are today.

Now think about the time you met that one important person in your life.  Where would you be if you have never met him/her.  Who would you be.. a totally different person? These are some of the questions I ask myself what if I never attended that 700 and 707 Meet-and-Greet... or what happened if he never attended that meet-and-greet.


It is weird though, we didn't actually start talking at that meet-and-greet, it was more we were introduced to each other and that was it.  But I do have to admit, seeing that smile, damn what a smile. That was what captured me, and in that moment I went to my sister and I was like, "It's him." She didn't understand and actually thought I sounded like a cliche, but that instant connection our eyes had, I just knew I wanted him so badly.

During 700s annual, I went and had a very short, but unique conversation with him.  He was on the Flag Party, and I remember giving him his flag and he said "thanks".  Lol, ahaha it actually meant a lot more to me than you would ever think.

We unfortunately didn't talk much to each other during that summer, but we saw each other here and there at summer camp.  There was a story I remember hearing, that when he saw me dancing with some French guy, he got upset and left... but I guess that only for him to know.

In September, our squadron's merged officially, and there he was. One of the weekends was tagging weekend, where we had to stand at stores collecting donations.  I remember that Saturday perfectly, I did not want to tag at all, but I decided to go.  In the little area I was at, across the other side of the plaze, there he was with his best friend.

They came over to chill with my partner and I, and this was where we had our first real conversations - with no one else, just us talking. He actually found out that I was 16, and he was surprised because apparently people told him I was 18, which is why he never pursued anything. . .

After that, he pretty much showed up everywhere at cadets where I was at.  One of them were on Tuesdays, where I had ground school.  On one of those Tuesday nights, he saw me had a mini argument with someone else, and I guess he thought that random person and I broke up (which was not the case at all....) but after that day, his moves became stronger.

LOL, I could go on and on about the days before he and I became official.  But the point is, what if he never came to those Tuesday nights.  He would have never saw this argument between myself and the random guy, and he would have never thought that I was single, and he would have never pursued anything with me.

If I never went to that meet-and-greet dance, the most important person in my life would not be here right now.  The most important person of my life would have not saved my life.... In all honestly, I wouldn't be here writing this blog if it weren't for you.

... the truth is, I didn't expect to get this attached to you.



Thankful for You.

Waking up this morning got me thinking, "Thank you God for allowing me to wake up to another day."  Most people, whether they admit it or not, don't appreciate the lives they have.  We all just wake up and perform our daily routines, complain about things here and there, come home and complain some more, then go to bed...

However, as I began to realize that I too am guilty of not appreciating my life, I began to live my life differently. I began to see things differently, talk about things in a more positive light... and it just made me happier overall.  The moment you take a step away from your daily routines, you begin to appreciate the beauty of life.

Since today is Thanksgiving in Canada, I laid in bed reflecting upon everything that happened this year.  I was trying to find that one thing I am most thankful for, and it got me thinking back to the incident that occurred just a few weeks ago.   

I feel like all the thanks I expressed in my prayers didn't seem enough.  You do not know how thankful I am that he is well and okay.  You may recall reading my post call, "My Realization", where I wrote about the care accident JJ was involved in.



After 2 years of hard work, a careless driver just came in and totalled the back of his car completely.  I remember how this went down exactly.  Sitting at the red light, and all of a sudden BOOM.  You could not believe how fast I came out of my car to see if he was okay or not.  Approaching him, I saw the sadness and anger in his eyes.  The first thing he said was "All my hard work gone."

It was such a shame, he finally got his car on the road, and this happens.  As he was in panic calling his brother, my adrenaline began to drop as I just realized that he had previous back problems.  Seeing that bad of an impact on the back of the car got me worried of what may have happened to his back.  I quickly asked him if he was alright, but he was still pumped up on adrenaline of someone hitting his car.

Calling the ambulance was one of the scarriest things I had to do this year.  I didn't know the severity of his injury, and I was too afraid to see what would happen.  But seeing the paramedic guys put him on a stretcher, you do not know how badly I wanted to cry.  No one should ever see someone they love in a situation like that.  It was just so hurtful. 



But seeing him being pulled inside the ambulance, I saw his eyes watery... I knew I had to be the strong one at that point.  I didn't cry... I just stood by his side for the next 5 hours until he got his x-ray results.... I stayed with him because I was just so worried that I was going to lose him in one way or another.

The point of this entire story, is that you do not know how THANKFUL I am for him being okay and alright.  He may not realize this, but I constantly think about it... what if something else happened... what if I stopped to early, would be have hit me, and that car his hit? I'm not saying I'm thank that it was him... I'm saying I am just thankful that he is alright and not gone...

Anything could have happened, it was out of our control.  But what was in my control was my emotions and feelings.  Driving to the hospital, I prayed the entire rosary, just asking God to bring him back to me alright.  No one will ever understand the relief and thankfulness I have towards God keeping my baby safe.

No matter how many times I say it, I am still always thankful.  And regardless of the stupid fight we endure here and there, that moment just made me appreciate him so much more. NO one could ever replace his love.

So regardless if today is thanksgiving or not, we should always be giving thanks.  We shouldn't need a national holiday telling us when to giving thanks to God for all our blessings.

Everyday should be a day of giving thanks to God, he has done a lot for us - put us through challenges, and even provided us with an abundant of blessings.  What people don't seem to realize, is that people take everything for granted.  Whether it would be your parents, lover, boyfriend/girlfriend or friends, we all seem to be guilty of not appreciating everything and everyone in our lives.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! 





The Exotic New Addition




I want everyone to meet the new addition to our family, Leonardo (green) and Cleopatra (pink).  If you were wondering what kind of frogs they are, they are in fact African Clawd Frogs.

It was a fairly hard decision to make with the bf, but we decided it was time to take the next step in our relationship and have a pet together. We didn't go with the traditional route of having a little puppy, as that would be hard since we don't live with each other, so we decided on fish.

At the fish store, we saw a variety of fishes - big, small, long, rainbow, gold, black, everything. It was just amazing.

As we started selecting which fishes we wanted to start off with, we came across a fish tank and saw small little frogs, and we instantly fell in love. At that moment we knew that we had to get the frogs.

When we were at the cash register, our total came up to almost $50, and we were confused as to what we bought - 4 fishes, and 2 frogs, and a new fish tank.

On our way home, they were separated in separate fish baggies, and put them in the tank with the seat belt on.

I kept joking around say, after 3 week, we have 6 new babies.

I'll keep updating you all about our African Clawd Frogs.