Don't be fooled by a Perfect Picture.

Scrolling down Instagram, whether it's my account, or others peoples account, I can't help but notice the amout of cute couples I see.

When I was younger and used to see my friends post up the amazing pictures of them and their boyfriends, I won't lie ... I was actually jealous.  I remember Fabiola stalking some of them and secretly hoping one day I find a guy to have a perfect relationship with. 

Correct me if I am wrong, but I am almost 99% sure that almost every girl experiences this. But who could blame us... We are always surrounded with media and movies portraying the perfect love story ... Why can't I have that, I remember always questioning to the Love Gods everytime I watched some romantic movie. 

Anyways ... So I grew up, and actually had guys interested in me, you don't understand the amount of pictures I wanted to take with them all them to show my friends. 

There was this one relationship, where I honestly thought he would be the one. Everytime I posted a picture of him and I on Instagram, I was always excited and happy about all the comments I received saying "my favourite couple" or "you guys are just too cute".  And I guess we were. It was usually a good day if I ever posted a picture of us, either I felt I was loved or we genuinely had an amazing day together, and I just wanted to take pictures and we happened to look really good in them. 

But as time past, I realized first hand how a picture definetly does not tell the entire story. Believe it or not, no matter how perfect we looked together, we always had problems, always. 

Looking back, I always blamed him ... But we both had a part to share, it's never just one person. From first hand experience, I know we weren't the perfect couple. Trust me when I say, we had a lot of issues and problems. 

Whether it would be my jealousy, over caring, over protected, or his lack of interest in me, too much time on his car or him being a complete jerk, somehow we managed to fool everyone into thinking we were so happy together. 

Don't get me wrong though, we obviously had more up days than down ones ... But the down ones hurt the most, and the hurt u experience, is the one you remember for a long time. 

We are in love, and there's no doubt in the amount of love I have for him, and the love he has for me. We may take the best pictures together, and look so good with each other, we are only human and we do have a share of a lot of problems. Problems that I am sure may seem so dumb to an outsider, but to us... We made it become our entire everything and jus never let it go. 

But things always change ... So I'm honestly hoping we start to slowly understand each other to walk into the right path with each other hand in hand. Because (and he knows this), if I didn't love, care and appreciate him as much as I do, I wouldn't have been there for him from beginning until the end yesterday.

Wishing for the best, but expecting the worst..

My Realization

Today I realized that the love that I have for my JJ.  Believe it or not... I was actually beginning to doubt whether we were just a temporary thing, or something more permanent.

It all began as a bad week for him, just one bad thing happening after the next.  And honestly, it was just frustrating and its hard to keep yourself positive when nothing is going the way you want them to go... But today was different, he finally got the permanent sticker (for his license plate), and we were excited to go into the city.

Driving in two separate cars, he was following me as we were on our way towards the city.

BOOOM! Did he just hit me? I just couldn't believe it, but as I got out of my car, I realized that he got hit.... BAD.  As I slowly approached him with worry and scare, he was upset, and the first thing he said to me was "All my hard work, gone."

I guess that was just the worst thing, knowing how hard someone worked on something, like his car for almost 2 years building it and fixing it, just to see it totalled in a matter of seconds.  I didn't know what to say, I didn't know how to react .. My main concern was his back.  Having previous back problems, I just wanted to ensure his spine wasn't hurt and he was capable of movement.

Leaving out some details, the Ambulance came... that was the hard part.  Still shocked and upset from the entire situation, there he was... being pulled into the ambulance in a stretcher.... That was upsetting and it is sad to see someone you care about sooo much hurt and you can't do anything to help...

I obviously ended up following the ambulance to the hospital, where I stood by his side for literally 5 hours.  Long story short, I am just glad nothing too bad happened to him... he just has to make sure he takes it easy.

But besides this hectic situation, I realized how close I was to losing someone so important to me.  I realized that I shouldn't let little things upset me, or just ruin our day... what's the reason for that when life is so short?

I remember the entire time, he just kept saying "I'm glad I was the one who was following you, instead of having it the other way around" ... how do I even respond to that.  There's no words that can sum up the amount of love that was expressed with just that one sentence...

Today, I realized that the way I feel, is coming straight from the heart.  It is not something I portray through force... If I didn't care so much, I wouldn't have been upset to see him upset, I wouldn't have been worried seeing him in a stretcher.. and I definitely wouldn't have stayed by his side for 5 hours if I didn't care.

Take care of what and whom you love.  Treat them with love and care, and hope for the best for them.  There is no point of constantly attracting negativity to you're relationships, whether it is with your friends, family or even boyfriend or girlfriend.  Take the time to genuinely get to know everyone with the intention of wanting to know them..

It will be worth it in the end, because not everyone always gets a second chance.  Live your life now without any regrets and without hurting others... You might never know the next time you will continue to share great memories.

Strength and Weakness

Someone anonymously messaged me today asking,  "How can a person give you so much strength yet still be your only weakness?"

Love is such a complicated thing to experience, let alone explain to people out there in the world who don't believe in love.  I can sit here all day just writing nonsense just to try and explain to you what I think love is or is not... but I won't do that as the word alone, stresses me out enough.

But one thing I think most people can agree on, is that love can be shown through a person whom is your support system - someone willing to be there for you every step of the way, no matter the battle.

This person gives you this attention, that allows you blossom into someone you never thought you could be - a better person.  This person will allow you to express your confidence in the best way possible, making you feel better about yourself.

I may not know what love is, but I know that the love of your life, can make you into a better human being, not only for him/her, but for yourself.

So where does the weakness come into play?  Well like in one of my last post, "for JJ", I mentioned how when we are in love, we would do anything for that person.  Moreover, from a personal standpoint, I will go all the way to do anything in my power to ensure you're happy, safe and cared for.

In a way, this becomes a weakness.  Why?  Even if you two have a huge fight, or a break up occurs... we will always still care.  No matter how badly we feel hurt, or how deep our heart sinks into our chest, it is insane on how far we will still go just to make sure you are happy.

I, of course, am speaking from a women's perspective... we easily get hurt because unfortunately, we love, trust and accept sometimes too easily.  We are so caught up in finding "the right one", we forget about taking care of ourselves, and although a person can provide so much strength in finding who we are... at the same time, this person is a weakness as nothing will stop us from loving you and caring for you.... no matter how badly we are hurt or no matter how in love you are.

So going back to the question that was asked of me earlier  "How can a person give you so much strength yet still be your only weakness?"

... because he has my heart.

Missing You

Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you've seen them or the amount of time since you've talked.  It's about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing they were right there by your side. 

People always talk about how distance is what makes a relationship stronger... I personally do not agree.  Distance makes things so much more harder, especially if you are an emotional person like me.

Whether you are physically beside me or not... there is always that moment where I hope you are missing me as much as I am missing you.  Otherwise, what is the point?

What would be the point in me putting 100% just to get back only 20%... it doesn't make sense.  Even just writing this post, makes me miss you more.  I would rather be beside you on the bed just talking about nonsense.  For all I know, you are out there, looking at cars and not even missing me one bit...

I wish you were here. I wish you missed me as much as I miss you.

for JJ.

Have you ever love someone so much, you didn't care what happened to yourself?

I don't want this post to sound like some diary entry about love, but I came across this question while I was blogging on tumblr earlier, and I was astonished on how accurate this question was.  I would do anything for you, even if it is me putting myself at risk...

I think there is a lot of us out there in the world who can agree when I say that you just know when you are in love... Whether it is unconditional love from your mom, or you're "first love" with a girl, or even you're first and only long-term committed relationship with a guy... You just know. 

So it's is so weird to be of my age talking about "love" (whatever it may be).  But from personal experience, I can honestly say, the moment I place you in my heart, I give you my all love... and I will honestly do anything for you.  Regardless of what it is, if you need me I am there.

At the same time, I would do anything to protect you, because you are mine.  Just like I know you would make sure that nothing bad would ever happen to me... I would absolutely 100% take a bullet for you, just to show you how much I care about you... 

Because at the end of the day

 I will always love you, and I will die loving you.